FIGARO 112916

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I

From across the universe you called my restless soul

From an endless wandering called life, you halted my desperate search for meaning

All these infectious lies and distorted reality doomed by my imaginary black hole

Inside my black hole there was you, you who made me feel alive

More alive than the blooming flower rained upon by the morning dew

You’re a shining supernova

You’re a newborn star to my dying universe

II

You let me read your obscure personality

You let me pull you out of your own swirling mud of unsung promises

You let me be your own dose of ecstatic bliss

You let me be your own medication

We built our own youthful glory

We ran into the night and gutted the frightening reality of our might

We were one

We were infinite

III

Maybe I was blinded by you

Maybe I let your glaring beauty envelop my reason

Maybe every thing was too much for us to grasp

We were still together

But I was afraid we were no longer on the same course

A lone mass of blackness

A sulfuric scent of an unwanted being off-coursed your vision

You brought disease to my flawless system

You brought me heart sore and inflated, made-up promises

I was hurting while you were building someone else’s universe

But I was still there

And you came back

We still believed

IV

We came back to our made-up universe

We returned beneath the glimmering sky of sun shine

We embraced our world of doubts and new promises

Inconsistencies cloud our once clear course towards us,

Towards our infinity

We fought the shadows of our wounded past

We suppressed the unnerving psychology of trust and rebuilt

 I am still your unpolished golden lamp

And you are still my perfect imperfect sunshine

Rainy Day Hues

Our world fell apart when we started to grow old; haven’t you noticed?

As the years flew by our screen window we failed to see what was truly going on between our cold fingertips. Our untouched dinner on the table, our unkempt white bed sheets did try to give us a warning. All those seconds passed by were our tears kept and consoling words unsaid. There were numerous times when we were already on the verge of jumping into the unknown abyss, having no clue if we will survive the fall together or we will survive separately. As much as how many times there were uncertain periods in our relationship these were also the number of times that I was tempted to jump alone; to see if I can survive the fall only to be at fault or if I can walk out of the dark and cold abyss to find something new and promising.

You were my lifesaver. You were my anchor, you kept me in place, you were my sanity.

Today as I write this, watching the rain fall and listening to the cars passing by I say to myself you are still my anchor. The problem is I no longer see you as that anchor who keeps me sane, who saves me from being lost at this chaotic sea of human weaknesses. You are an anchor, an anchor that holds me down and stops me from wandering, exploring what else this fragile life of mine has yet to offer. Am I being selfish or hypocrite for wanting freedom from you; from our relationship that once brought me real happiness?

I wanted so long to say these to you but I am afraid that your childish manner will get in the way of your reason and lead us to completely fall apart. I still love you but there are things that I need to know on my own.

I guess it is true that some times love is no longer enough to keep a relationship real. It is heartbreaking to say these words but……..