Rainy Day Hues

Our world fell apart when we started to grow old; haven’t you noticed?

As the years flew by our screen window we failed to see what was truly going on between our cold fingertips. Our untouched dinner on the table, our unkempt white bed sheets did try to give us a warning. All those seconds passed by were our tears kept and consoling words unsaid. There were numerous times when we were already on the verge of jumping into the unknown abyss, having no clue if we will survive the fall together or we will survive separately. As much as how many times there were uncertain periods in our relationship these were also the number of times that I was tempted to jump alone; to see if I can survive the fall only to be at fault or if I can walk out of the dark and cold abyss to find something new and promising.

You were my lifesaver. You were my anchor, you kept me in place, you were my sanity.

Today as I write this, watching the rain fall and listening to the cars passing by I say to myself you are still my anchor. The problem is I no longer see you as that anchor who keeps me sane, who saves me from being lost at this chaotic sea of human weaknesses. You are an anchor, an anchor that holds me down and stops me from wandering, exploring what else this fragile life of mine has yet to offer. Am I being selfish or hypocrite for wanting freedom from you; from our relationship that once brought me real happiness?

I wanted so long to say these to you but I am afraid that your childish manner will get in the way of your reason and lead us to completely fall apart. I still love you but there are things that I need to know on my own.

I guess it is true that some times love is no longer enough to keep a relationship real. It is heartbreaking to say these words but……..

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